Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want nice things and good sex
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
