I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize