I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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