He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
