apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize