Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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