he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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