Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
