I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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