i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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