You work out of a Hotel?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
