im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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