Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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