I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
