Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
