She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
