hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
