i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
