He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
