New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
