Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
