Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
