Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
