I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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