your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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