Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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