Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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