He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
