Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
