Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
