So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
