Do you still have your period?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
