Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
