Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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