i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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