You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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