went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
