conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
