oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
