we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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