Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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