he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
