Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
