We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
babies were throwing up all over the place
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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