Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize