normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
