No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize