I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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