Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
