allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
