Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
