No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
