He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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