Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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