wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didn't notice because vodka
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
