she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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