another moral hangover. fuck.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
